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14,245. That's the number of days old I am going to be tomorrow. 341,880 is the number of hours old I am going to be tomorrow. 20,512,800 is the number of minutes old I am going to be. My point is I have got to remember that age really is just a number and if I rally am only as old as I feel most days I am about 28. Of course there are also days when I feel 108. When I turned 30 years old I freaked out a little because my 20s were over but I made myself feel better somehow by saying 'well at least I am not turning 40'. When the end of something hits me like a ton of bricks my reaction has always been downward spiral. Self medicate, self pity... and now here I am in this positive place of making a newer, better, stronger me with confidence and power and a milestone birthday comes along and threatens to throw it all into a tailspin. I have daydreams of me "relapsing" where I just overeat and drink to excess and lose all the progress that I have made over this

About two years ago a woman named Kathy from my hometown died from terminal breast cancer. She was my third cousin i think and she had one son Billy if I remember that correctly from her one marriage that ended when Billy was 4 years old. While he was high functioning he lived with special needs. I am unsure if those needs were affiliated with autism or maybe a traumatic brain injury but he needed to be medicated and looked after. He lived in a trailer park with his mother his entire life. Kathy was sweet and kind to me on Facebook and if i would ever run into her back home. I only met Billy once for about 5 minutes and he literally said nothing and never made eye contact. when his mother passed i think he was sort of lost with no direction and no idea what to do next. his father was never in the picture. still alive but a hopeless alcoholic whose whereabouts were unknown, nor did anyone really care. His closest living relative was his uncle who also had some sort of developmental diso